Spoken Thoughts

Why is it so much harder to be GOOD than BAD? For years when all I cared about was “partying, fun, socializing” life seemed all figured out but it never progressed. Now, at age 24, I have thirst for something greater, tangible, different. However lately, I have felt so out of place. I have the desire to TRY & better myself daily but with that entails making hard changes. I have been slowly disconnecting from old behaviors & pushing myself to more positive ones. Picking up on new hobbies, new surroundings. It’s almost as if I’m starting a whole new relationship with myself. I will admit, it’s a weird process, this transition. I am trying to do all these great things to better myself but I have never felt more alone in my life. I guess this is a part of the process. Everyday I embrace as an opportunity to teach & challenge myself so that I can grow into the woman I want to be in the present, my future self, & for someday-my family. I’m happy but I guess reality hurts when I stop to look around & realize there’s no one substantial in my life that is on the same page as me or there for me right now. Most people are way too consumed with their own self-absorbed stress/drama or sucked in Miami’s lifestyle, so I would prefer to be alone. Oh well, I guess this year will be MY YEAR for my journey to focus within, with a goal in mind so I can move away to a place that will make me happy, where people have an appetite for more than “looks” or “who can get pass the velvet rope”. I don’t mean this as offense to anyone I know & I’m sorry if I have been distant to anyone currently in my life, I still love you the same & I hope my real friends can understand it’s nothing personal. I’m just going through a transition but whoever is in for the ride, I’m here. My real friends know I’m just a phone call away.